Friday, November 26, 2010

To... Thursday night. Or rather, the beginnings of Friday.

Every now and then,
I just sit and think.

And think some more.

And realize how very often I think
And how very little I know.

Kind of weird
How humanity has been around for...
well, I don't know. I'd have to think about that.

Let's say... a long time.
And hasn't really learned anything new.

We've learned about things.
Or rather, we think we have.
Until we find out something new.

Perhaps all we need to know
Is right in front of us
Waiting to be discovered
And yet forever ignored.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

To the man with the tomato

So I had two dreams recently that were both: 1) Completely frightening, and 2) Weird beyond belief.

First one, I'm dating this guy. We get married and have a little boy. I'm head over heels for him. Then I find out that he's as evil as evil gets. He's this funky blue colour with a white haze around him. He offers me this tomato - I have this vision of myself if I were to eat the tomato - Basically, it would turn me into his evil minion and I would have to kill my son. I run away. He finds me. Everywhere I run, he finds me and gives me this tomato. And it's weird, right? Like, I could totally just walk away and not take the tomato. He not putting it in my mouth. He's offering it to me. And yet, it's like... I don't know. So frightening though. I'm wondering if it means I'm afraid of getting too close to a guy. Very possible.

Second one, I'm with my friends. I leave and go to the washroom. This guy follows me and waits outside the stall. I'm freaking out. He goes into the stall next to me and I freak out. Some lady shows up in the middle of that stall and kicks him out (I'm peering over the side by this point). She locks the door whilst I call to my friends that I can see over the top of the stalls to call 9-1-1. They don't hear me and walk away. Randomly, people start showing up and grab this creeper. I suddenly have a cell phone, (what a dream), and call 911. The operator takes so long that he escapes. I freak out and run away. I just run and run and run until I'm in this farmers' field. I think I was supposed to be at some base or headquarters or something. I find out my brother and our friends are flying this helicopter, and they land and invite me in. As we take off, I see that everyone at this base camp has been brutally murdered. And I know this creeper from earlier is the killer and that he is nearby. I freak out again, the helicopter is taking off, and the last thing I remember is this big expanse of water that the helicopter is hovering over and my fear that we're going to be sucked into it.

Ah. What is wrong with me? My dreams are so disturbing sometimes. I seriously think there's something wrong with my head. For being a genuinely all-around happy person, I certainly can have some horrific dreams. :( Sigh.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Mmmm... Singleness.

Not really sure why, but at the current moment, I am so happy to be single. It's just a lovely feeling of freedom and strength. Just little old me and big timeless God, working together to try to make my life worth something. He gives me a whack every now and then to keep me in line too. And it's quite dandy.

I realized something about myself the other day by the way. I think it was a really important realization too. I love being free. Sounds strange, and yet, I do. I think that's my biggest preoccupation in my thinking and the way I act. I hate being defined, I hate being caged, I hate being labelled, I hate being cooped up inside, I hate being controlled, I hate being told what I can and cannot do. I think that's why I sing and dance at random times in the day, and perhaps why I can care less when people laugh at my regularly embarassing moments or chaotic actions. I would never want to live my life defining myself in the rules of society.

God tells me what to do - and that's actually freeing for me! Sounds ironic, but no, it isn't. He loves me more than I could ever possibly imagine, and that's enough for me to just... trust Him. He's a pretty great guy. Perfect really. :) I'm free from sin in Him, I'm free from the sadness and depression of this world, and filled up with the incredible hope and joy He's given me. and that's enough to make me jump up and down and be freeeeee! Yay!

On a random note, aren't sparrows just the loveliest of birds? There the jewels of nature in my eyes.