Looking up

Can i say something? I seem to be having this real difficulty with the church structure. I hate it so much that it frightens me a bit. I greatly dislike a pastor standing at a pulpit and telling me how to see a verse or passage. Some people are naturals at speaking and others need some more work, and I need to know that those needing some more work can be openly buffed and rebutted for their mistakes. It's definitely important to have some authority in a church, but I think more importantly that the church is the body of Christ, where Christ is the head, not the pastor. And the fact that the body is made up of many parts, each just as important as the other, makes me question whether or not having a pastor tell us what is or is not true each week is really the best structure for a church. My church does something called "home church" where the church can meet in small groups and discuss passages together and share insights and ideas together on a one-to-one level, and I love it. There's no authority except that which is there to direct us in where in the bible we are studying so that we can all share our ideas in small group and as a greater group. It's definitely a fun way of doing church.

Another important thing is the way the church reaches out. We are God's hands and feet, ready to love all and serve all... or at least, we should be. It's so important to me that I see this done in my church, where Jesus should be embodied in his lovers. Sometimes the church is so callous to the messes around us that we seclude ourselves and act like we are above them all. Truth is, everyone who walks into a church building is a mess that's wearing a mask. It's just that when everyone is wearing one, no one seems to notice. Ugh, what I wouldn't give for people to start going to church in their grubs and looking like they do before God on any other day. It's not like we only see God sunday mornings. I'm pretty sure the omniscient God sees you when your in your pjs drooling on your pillow too. And it's time that people (like me) started to sing with their heart, not their mouth. And then it's time that people (again like me) got off their high horse, scruffed down into the dirt, and started washing people's feet. We are soooooo loved by God. Everyone of us. Whether you choose to love Him back or not. we should be realizing how special each person is in His eyes and treating them like gold. which brings me into one more conversation I had the other day.

I am a passivist, and I am currently acknowledging my bias so that all are aware before I write this. My dad and I were arguing about whether or not it is morally right to kill someone who is threatening someone else's life. He said yes. I said no. I have many objections to this. Firstly, when Jesus said, "Love your enemies," I'm pretty sure putting a bullet through their head was not included in this "love." Secondly, who am I to judge whether someone lives or dies? I am human and make mistakes like any other person; I certainly hope that someone wouldn't sentence me to hell for the rest of eternity because they thought it'd be in my best interests. Thirdly, greater love has no man than this: to lay down his life for his friends. Jesus gave me the ultimate example. He could've stopped anyone from killing him at any time but he kept with it. He was abandoned by everyone he ever loved. His disciple and friend of three years denied ever knowing him. His followers didn't bother telling people that they knew him. He was alone in the world and sad, but he died for no reason at all because he loved them. He split the temple curtain in two, splitting the barrier and bringing God into the realm of man. That's powerful love. Can I justifiably kill one of the people that he loved to this extent? Do I have any more right to this love than them? I guess that's your choice, though the answer seems plain to me.

Well, it's way past my bedtime.
Over and out.

In the Insanity of Life

Bonjour to whoever finds this blog. I don't expect anyone to read this, but you never know. Perhaps someday I will be writing this for more than myself :D I'm dreaming big here. lol.

well, I am home. That's quite the word, eh?--home. Like everything is comfortable and familiar in that place. You have friends, you have a place to go back to and live in, you have a setting in which you can easily immerse yourself in without feeling nervous. I noticed I'm now referring to university as home too. Good sign, I think.

So my first week back has been an adventure for sure. I'm discovering a little bit about how I've changed and how this "home" of mine has too. My high school friends that have moved onto university all got together the other day and it was interesting to note both how somethings never change and how others... do. Take my friends Lara and Alex for example. Everytime I meet them, we click. Like we've never even been separated. We fall back into place wherever we left off. And yet, things change. Actually, I'm pretty sure I've changed. It's weird trying to mesh my way back into Ontario and find things to talk about when I've been in a completely different place for three months. Lara was shocked at me when I agreed to go along with some rather sneaky cheating techniques. bahahahaha. we had some good laughs though, and definitely still lost to everyone there. lol. we are quite the team. :)

And then I was out the other day with some old friends from the youth group and felt so out of place. There are some budding couples in our tight-knit group now, and it was weird to be sitting there with two couples, and then me and my guy friend. Not that couples are bad in any way at all; it's nice to see "young love" (although I have to admit to feeling a tad bit jealous that I am quite single). It's just that I am very out of the loop and there are some couples of which I know one person much better than the other and so it can be a little awkward. Plus, two singles of the opposite sex plus two couples=awkward situation, especially if you only want to be friends with the single friend. Anywho, I ended up sneaking off a little bit later, lol. Don't get me wrong, I still love all of them, I'm just... not quite adjusted to everything that's been going on while I've been gone.

And then I've had some rather exhilerating days. Hahaha. Maybe not quite... exhilerating. Reading, jogging, eating, sleeping, or not sleeping because my dad is snoring so loudly I can hear him through the vents, bahaha. Actually that night was fun. I slept like... 3 hours, woke up at 5:15 am and then decided, "What the heck? I'm not sleeping. Why not go for a jog?" So I went for a run on 3 hours sleep at 5:30 in the morning. lolol. Random, but good fun. You should try it sometime. Then there was a day of laziness. A phone call, some reading, some eating, some facebooking, lol, what a joke facebook is. Like my computer profile and my 500 friends makes me popular. lol. It's good times though, I suppose. Can be a bit stupid though too. Anywho, that night was home church with the Meeting House and that has probably been the highlight of my week. I met up with my very rocking friend, Daniel Best who is D-Best, and just came back from Nicaragua and brought many beautiful photos and stories with him. And there was some really good discussion time which made me think very hard about some important stuff. Wow, that sentence was vague. Okay, to be more specific, the group was talking about more than the weather and saying "How are you?" "Oh! I'm good, and you?" "Oh, I'm good too." Like some good old thinking stuff about God and New Age beliefs and our place in the world. lol. Got to love those thinking questions. and then there was some amazing praising going on with the guitar and some AMAZING vocals. I have to say that the Kitty Murry home church has some rockin voices! I was shocked. felt good to worship Jesus with those people. and not only that, it felt real. They really made it seem like they were praising God, not the walls. It was beautiful.

Anywho, it is getting on into the night and I should definitely be trying to catch up on some Zs. Until later!