Friday, February 8, 2013

Reaffirming our identity

I've been thinking lately about getting a tattoo.

If my family is reading this, then they need not worry, because I called the tattoo parlour and they wouldn't do what I wanted them to do.

Nonetheless, let me explain. I've been drawing a small cross on my wedding ring finger for the last few months as a reminder. A necessary one for me, in fact. It's a reminder, a small reminder of who I am, to what kingdom I belong, and for what purpose I am here. 

You see, I often get lonely. I want to define myself by what others think of me. I want others to like me, to have friends, to be accepted. Because I tend to make "acceptance" and "relationships" an idol by which I define myself. When someone tears me down, I tear myself down, because I haven't received the affirmation I need to ensure that my identity is secure.

But it's not healthy. And I know that, even though I still struggle with it. 

That small cross on my finger helps remind me of who I really am. A beloved child of God. And He really loves me and wants the best for me. And I'm so undeserving of that love, and hope that in some way, through my joy in life and the love I try to give to others, that I show them what He means to me.

And that, my friends, should be enough.

Because that relationship is the only one that will never change. God is always faithful to me. And in Him, I find the true purpose of my life, and the only reason for my life. Everything else in my life changes. My personality, my friendships, my goals and dreams, the place I live, the relationships I have, my possessions, my reputation. There is really no consistency here. Nothing except Christ, and in Him, I find the only perfect relationship in my whole life, and the only perfect version of myself, despite the fact that I continue to fall short of it.

So I keep drawing that cross on my finger. To remember that no matter what, no matter what relationship I have, whether it is the view I have of myself, the relationships I have with my family, my friends, my neighbours, my roommates, my enemies, my future husband, or the stranger I meet on the street, I am a child of God, and those people I meet are also children of God. In Him, we can  find our true purpose in life and our true spiritual beings. We are servants of a God that loves every single person with a passionate, intense, ever-burning love, and I am called to carry the burdens of the people around me.

So here I am. Lost to the world, found in Christ.