Is it possible to go through culture shock going to university? Because lately I've been feeling a bit... out of place? Not so much in the school work sense. I can handle the pressure, but more so in the lifestyle of the university student. Going out to the pub every weekend, getting drunk, "hooking up", boy-crazy girls, sex-crazy boys, and then more drinking, and more crazy behaviour. Freud, you had no need to look further than the university to prove that everything is driven by sex. It's in almost every conversation I have! ugh. My conversations over the past week have included: "Did you see him? He's so cute!" or "Last night was a bomb show. I can barely remember what happened..." or "Wow, a lot of people hooked up last night."
Seriously, I'm feeling a little bit sad about my life here. I hate that to be normal is to be having sex and scoping out the hot guys or getting hammered on alcohol. This is not what I want or who I want to be. Please!!! Right now I feel like screaming, "WAKE ME UP!!! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO REALITY?? WHEN DID MORALS FLY OUT THE WINDOW? WHY DIDN'T I GET THE MEMO?" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And I'm feeling sad about all this too. I hate university in one sense, since it constantly gnaws at my faith. God seems so distant here, so far from the minds of anyone I talk to. And for me to discuss God with someone is to make everyone go quiet and nod their heads quietly in "tolerance" of my faith. God is not part of the intellectual, nor the intellectual a part of God. (here, anyways) At least, that's how I feel people think about Christians. Not that it's true (I had a 4.21/4.3 GPA last semester, highest in the entire first year BA department).
I guess what I'm going through is culture shock. But one of a different kind, one I want to fight against, not assimilate with. Is that bad? My morals are precious. To be pure is so precious to me, to have innocence. To be complete when I met God, to have value in his eyes, is of great worth to me.
Ya, and I guess I wonder why I'm here sometimes. I really ask myself that. I crave something more than... whatever this is. And then I remember my friends, my scholarship, my grades, the clubs I'm co-facilitating and in, and I ask myself if I really need to leave or whether I could just... adjust? Hm. I don't like that word. Maybe I should just stay intolerant but continue to love. :S Pray for me!