My poetry is a bit... rough, but it's fun to write, so here's one dedicated to this very odd weather.
The sun slurps the ocean of milk
Poured over the hidden bed of green pastures
A drowned scarf
Beside a soggy pack of cigarettes
Only a few sips remain
Grey puddles
Invite rain boots and giggles
A January spring
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Truth
Sometimes I struggle to believe the truth.
Jesus is so evident in my life. He's given me exactly the words I need to hear at exactly the moment I need them while I read the Bible, he's brought people into my life at the exactly the right point I needed them around, he's spoken to me through nature. His fingerprint is evident in the choices and decisions I make and in my ability to withstand the temptations that many succumb to. And there's a part of me, if this is possible to understand, that innately knows there's more to my life than just being alive. That something else is with me when I am physically all by myself.
And yet I sometimes struggle with God. Because I get caught up in the world around me, in the cynics and people who think I am foolish for thinking there's something bigger than me. and so I often feel like perhaps I am in a wrestling match with God. I am confused and helpless and tiny and inept at understanding why the evidence can't be made more visible to me. But the crazy thing is that whenever I get to this point of wrestling with God, he doesn't fight back. He just gives me this enormous bear hug me, all the while I am crying and screaming for him to explain this mess to me.
There's real historical evidence that Jesus existed on Earth, more even than Julius Caesar ever existed, if that is imaginable. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all wrote about him, as did Paul in his many letters to the new churches of the age. And when I read what they wrote about him, I fall in love with Jesus every time. The immense love he pours into people, but not only love, but grace and forgiveness into the broken-spirited, into the cast aways. It's too much for me to even think about, that maybe he could love me in the same way.
Why can't I just accept his presence in my life? I feel like my spirit is broken into this part that longs for God, that loves him more than anything else, and another part that questions his very existence, and these two halves keep fighting with each other. I can only hope that God keeps hugging me while I fight and scream, because I need it.
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth.
Jesus is so evident in my life. He's given me exactly the words I need to hear at exactly the moment I need them while I read the Bible, he's brought people into my life at the exactly the right point I needed them around, he's spoken to me through nature. His fingerprint is evident in the choices and decisions I make and in my ability to withstand the temptations that many succumb to. And there's a part of me, if this is possible to understand, that innately knows there's more to my life than just being alive. That something else is with me when I am physically all by myself.
And yet I sometimes struggle with God. Because I get caught up in the world around me, in the cynics and people who think I am foolish for thinking there's something bigger than me. and so I often feel like perhaps I am in a wrestling match with God. I am confused and helpless and tiny and inept at understanding why the evidence can't be made more visible to me. But the crazy thing is that whenever I get to this point of wrestling with God, he doesn't fight back. He just gives me this enormous bear hug me, all the while I am crying and screaming for him to explain this mess to me.
There's real historical evidence that Jesus existed on Earth, more even than Julius Caesar ever existed, if that is imaginable. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all wrote about him, as did Paul in his many letters to the new churches of the age. And when I read what they wrote about him, I fall in love with Jesus every time. The immense love he pours into people, but not only love, but grace and forgiveness into the broken-spirited, into the cast aways. It's too much for me to even think about, that maybe he could love me in the same way.
Why can't I just accept his presence in my life? I feel like my spirit is broken into this part that longs for God, that loves him more than anything else, and another part that questions his very existence, and these two halves keep fighting with each other. I can only hope that God keeps hugging me while I fight and scream, because I need it.
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The Cage
My worst fear of all time is being restrained. Someone locking me up in a cage and leaving to rot all by myself in a tiny little cage with no purpose in life but to sit and wait for my death. Nothing else scares me more. I would rather die a million deaths than have that happen to me.
And yet, there are cages everywhere in my life. A cage of fear, fear that holds me back from saying something that needs to be said, fear that holds me back from expressing my "fullest me", fear that just puts me into this little mold of what I should be but never what I could be if I opened up the door of my cage.
There's also a cage of solitude. One that traps you in front of the television, in front of your video games, in front of the computer, in front of your telephone, your music player, etc., etc. You're trapped in a virtual world. Virtual meaning "NOT REAL." When your conversations start revolving around a world or a person that does not exist, you know that you're in a cage of solitude. Where did the rest of humanity go? When did we decide that the only way to entertain ourselves was to pick up our computers and go on facebook, or to pick up a controller and watch the O.C. or cartoons or the latest movie? When did our lives get so completely and utterly boring that we don't even talk to the people in the same room as us? Instead, we just watch others live another life and think that it's the greatest thing since cheese. I. HATE. IT. I want to break those chains more than anything. In fact, I have an urge to pick up a baseball bat and just start smashing the television in my living room at this very moment... but I will restrain myself.
the very world around me is a cage. The media is censored to tell me what it wants me to know, the schools and universities are censored to tell me what they want me to know, video games are censored to portray what they think they want me to know, books even portray what they want me to know. I do not hear about the things that my government or the big corporations don't want me to hear about. I do not hear about the life of the murderer. I do not hear about the lack of power a citizen really holds in this government we call a democracy. I do not hear about the lives of child soldiers in the Democratic Republic. So here I am. A product of the knowledge that has been predestined for me to know. Is there anything that I have truly figured out for myself? No. Not really. I am trapped at this very moment in a cage of predestined knowledge. For creativity is something very rare. And those who possess it are diamonds in the rough. Do I have the power to question, to think, to create? I don't know.
In many ways, the bars of my cage are a little more flexible because of the truth God's been able to show me through Jesus Christ. The truth and grace and love He brings me is the only truth that I have any sound belief in. As crazy as that might sound. Cause in every piece of nature, in every person, in every creative work, I see a glimpse of a creator. The divine artist. And Jesus, who's life displayed the greatest kind of truth and love that I've ever seen, claimed to be God, and so i believe. I believe the man who's life was not caged. And who was killed for it.
And yet, there are cages everywhere in my life. A cage of fear, fear that holds me back from saying something that needs to be said, fear that holds me back from expressing my "fullest me", fear that just puts me into this little mold of what I should be but never what I could be if I opened up the door of my cage.
There's also a cage of solitude. One that traps you in front of the television, in front of your video games, in front of the computer, in front of your telephone, your music player, etc., etc. You're trapped in a virtual world. Virtual meaning "NOT REAL." When your conversations start revolving around a world or a person that does not exist, you know that you're in a cage of solitude. Where did the rest of humanity go? When did we decide that the only way to entertain ourselves was to pick up our computers and go on facebook, or to pick up a controller and watch the O.C. or cartoons or the latest movie? When did our lives get so completely and utterly boring that we don't even talk to the people in the same room as us? Instead, we just watch others live another life and think that it's the greatest thing since cheese. I. HATE. IT. I want to break those chains more than anything. In fact, I have an urge to pick up a baseball bat and just start smashing the television in my living room at this very moment... but I will restrain myself.
the very world around me is a cage. The media is censored to tell me what it wants me to know, the schools and universities are censored to tell me what they want me to know, video games are censored to portray what they think they want me to know, books even portray what they want me to know. I do not hear about the things that my government or the big corporations don't want me to hear about. I do not hear about the life of the murderer. I do not hear about the lack of power a citizen really holds in this government we call a democracy. I do not hear about the lives of child soldiers in the Democratic Republic. So here I am. A product of the knowledge that has been predestined for me to know. Is there anything that I have truly figured out for myself? No. Not really. I am trapped at this very moment in a cage of predestined knowledge. For creativity is something very rare. And those who possess it are diamonds in the rough. Do I have the power to question, to think, to create? I don't know.
In many ways, the bars of my cage are a little more flexible because of the truth God's been able to show me through Jesus Christ. The truth and grace and love He brings me is the only truth that I have any sound belief in. As crazy as that might sound. Cause in every piece of nature, in every person, in every creative work, I see a glimpse of a creator. The divine artist. And Jesus, who's life displayed the greatest kind of truth and love that I've ever seen, claimed to be God, and so i believe. I believe the man who's life was not caged. And who was killed for it.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
All You Need is Love...
Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church member.
Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier.
Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual.
But the one who has love, courage, and wisdom moves the world. -Ammon Hennacy
The world is one messed up place. It's really hard to think about it all for a long period of time without eventually wanting to just put those thoughts away and find something happier to let your mind dwell upon.
There are wars today in the name of peace and justice. There are churches fighting against the rights of gays and lesbians in the name of truth. There are atheists today fighting against religion in the pursuit of reason. There are citizens today "tolerating" people out of "love."
And there's something really bothersome about it all. Something that makes me want to break. Because, yes, I think it's important to have peace, to have justice, to have truth, to have reason, to have love. I just don't think humanity has quite gotten their fingers around how to get these things all together, or maybe, what all of them really mean.
We value supporting our troops, going to war to bring peace and freedom. Can I ask whether this is simply one-sided? What about the people we are fighting against? Are they also included in this equation which equals out to peace and freedom? If we support the value of love, I don't think killing our neighbour quite follows this trend. If we follow the value of courage, then I still don't think killing our neighbour follows this trend. For if you were truly courageous, you would chance to sacrifice yourself to try and help someone by not killing them. That would be the scary part-facing death to help someone else-and it requires true courage. If we support the value of peace, then no, war is not the method. Arguments require two people, but they can be avoided by the gentle kindness of one. Peace is finding a resolution that puts another above yourself. is it possible that instead of going to war, that we could send doctors? that we could send teachers? that we could send missionaries? For getting rid of hate requires a change of heart. Are we willing to put some cream on the callouses of hate that have built up on the hearts of our enemies, or are we indifferent? Hm.
Thoreau said "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." There's something about our way of living that lacks something... concrete. As if we know the principles, the values, the arches which govern our actions, but we don't know how to fit them all together. Or maybe we don't want to. Because we know that if we were to ever determine the true arch that governs our actions, it would require something of us that we don't want to have to be. And so we are forever in a state of desperation, striving for love, courage, wisdom, but never quite living them out to the point of their true fullness.
But then again, maybe we can find them in God. ;)
Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier.
Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual.
But the one who has love, courage, and wisdom moves the world. -Ammon Hennacy
The world is one messed up place. It's really hard to think about it all for a long period of time without eventually wanting to just put those thoughts away and find something happier to let your mind dwell upon.
There are wars today in the name of peace and justice. There are churches fighting against the rights of gays and lesbians in the name of truth. There are atheists today fighting against religion in the pursuit of reason. There are citizens today "tolerating" people out of "love."
And there's something really bothersome about it all. Something that makes me want to break. Because, yes, I think it's important to have peace, to have justice, to have truth, to have reason, to have love. I just don't think humanity has quite gotten their fingers around how to get these things all together, or maybe, what all of them really mean.
We value supporting our troops, going to war to bring peace and freedom. Can I ask whether this is simply one-sided? What about the people we are fighting against? Are they also included in this equation which equals out to peace and freedom? If we support the value of love, I don't think killing our neighbour quite follows this trend. If we follow the value of courage, then I still don't think killing our neighbour follows this trend. For if you were truly courageous, you would chance to sacrifice yourself to try and help someone by not killing them. That would be the scary part-facing death to help someone else-and it requires true courage. If we support the value of peace, then no, war is not the method. Arguments require two people, but they can be avoided by the gentle kindness of one. Peace is finding a resolution that puts another above yourself. is it possible that instead of going to war, that we could send doctors? that we could send teachers? that we could send missionaries? For getting rid of hate requires a change of heart. Are we willing to put some cream on the callouses of hate that have built up on the hearts of our enemies, or are we indifferent? Hm.
Thoreau said "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." There's something about our way of living that lacks something... concrete. As if we know the principles, the values, the arches which govern our actions, but we don't know how to fit them all together. Or maybe we don't want to. Because we know that if we were to ever determine the true arch that governs our actions, it would require something of us that we don't want to have to be. And so we are forever in a state of desperation, striving for love, courage, wisdom, but never quite living them out to the point of their true fullness.
But then again, maybe we can find them in God. ;)
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Gotta Love Keats
So I'm a lover of John Keats. He's pretty much a genius. Anyways, this is one of his love poems. ;) Hope you enjoy this poem as much as I did!
Bright Star, Would I were Steadfast as Thou Art, by John Keats
Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night,
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient sleepless eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors;
No yet still steadfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever or else swoon to death.
Bright Star, Would I were Steadfast as Thou Art, by John Keats
Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night,
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient sleepless eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors;
No yet still steadfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever or else swoon to death.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Love
So as Christmas is approaching, I felt that a little spiel on love would be appropriate. hahaha. When you like someone, you have one of those warm fuzzy feelings. Crazy wonderful feelings that makes you smile in the middle of the most boring class or burst out laughing at the most inappropriate times as you think back on something that happened four days ago. You think about someone far too much and hope that they don't notice, or secretly, that they do, and return those thoughts. It's absolutely wonderful, and yet entirely depressing too when you don't actually have anyone in love with you. hahaha. (please don't feel bad for me or try and comfort me, I promise I am okay with my singleness-I'm waiting on God and trusting in his timing).
But the above talks very specifically about a specific type of "love," which I would argue is more like than love. That love is the one shared between a couple who is attracted to one another, and yet we so often miss out on an even more inspiring type of love, one shared between friends, family, and our "neighbour."
There are so many people that we are quick to judge and cast the blame on. They are just too "weird" or "awkward" or "lame." Hm. I'd like to know whether you ever actually got to know that weird, awkward, or lame person, or if you're just saying that to get yourself out of a sticky situation of actually getting to know someone that other people might not like so much. Maybe, in their own original way, they are only trying to be understood.
If we took the time to understand them, we'd realize how amazing that person is. Their story, their life that made them who they are today, the person's heart. I guess the question that remains is whether we can do it.
Is it possible to love someone with that kind of passion? Maybe. People might try to love people because they think it's the right thing to do. Which generally sucks. Your making them into a charity case. But if people loved people because they genuinely wanted to love them, to get to know their story, to understand the person they are today, THEN we'd get somewhere. What would that look like?
1 Corinthians 13: 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
If I knew someone that loved like that... wow. Maybe then I wouldn't have to convince my friends that life is worth living. They would find purpose simply in the community of loving and encouraging people who surround them.
Now then, I'm going to try and love like 1 Corinthians 13 says. And yes, I will fail. But I'm going to try hard. :)
But the above talks very specifically about a specific type of "love," which I would argue is more like than love. That love is the one shared between a couple who is attracted to one another, and yet we so often miss out on an even more inspiring type of love, one shared between friends, family, and our "neighbour."
There are so many people that we are quick to judge and cast the blame on. They are just too "weird" or "awkward" or "lame." Hm. I'd like to know whether you ever actually got to know that weird, awkward, or lame person, or if you're just saying that to get yourself out of a sticky situation of actually getting to know someone that other people might not like so much. Maybe, in their own original way, they are only trying to be understood.
If we took the time to understand them, we'd realize how amazing that person is. Their story, their life that made them who they are today, the person's heart. I guess the question that remains is whether we can do it.
Is it possible to love someone with that kind of passion? Maybe. People might try to love people because they think it's the right thing to do. Which generally sucks. Your making them into a charity case. But if people loved people because they genuinely wanted to love them, to get to know their story, to understand the person they are today, THEN we'd get somewhere. What would that look like?
1 Corinthians 13: 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
If I knew someone that loved like that... wow. Maybe then I wouldn't have to convince my friends that life is worth living. They would find purpose simply in the community of loving and encouraging people who surround them.
Now then, I'm going to try and love like 1 Corinthians 13 says. And yes, I will fail. But I'm going to try hard. :)
Friday, November 6, 2009
Bursting the Bubble
So today, a couple of my classes happened to bring up the same concept and I thought, wow, that's pretty cool. Why not blog about it? So, here I am!
Technology is pretty cool. It's given us a realm of connection to our friends almost 24/7 through facebook, msn, and of course, blogs! hahaha. It has been prized as being an intermediary between cultures and the transfer of cultural ideas to other parts of the globe, broadening our perspectives on life and the issues facing not only us but other parts of the world.
But... I'm going to say that technology has done very little in terms of bringing people together. Television, for example, has only subsisted to broaden our worldview and make us very small in our surroundings. News makes us aware of all the bad happening in the world, rarely reporting on the good as to make us scared of everyone we meet and see. It builds up a world in which we are distant from everyone around us. They become these scary "unknowns"-they COULD be terrorists! they COULD be child molesters! they COULD be murderers! AHHHH!!
Likely... not.
If we turned off that silly television of ours and decided to go out and meet people, we might realize that those "scary people" are few and far between. We might learn that people's "stories" (as I like to call them) are quite amazing. What we see as one individual is actually the product of sooooo much history. That person walking by us on the sidewalk has hopes and dreams, maybe he or she has already fulfilled some of them-wouldn't it be interesting to find out which ones? Maybe that women you see waitressing for you is trying to save up money so that she can intern with a development agency over in Africa. Maybe the men whose cleaning up the halls of your residence or office building is in truth a former paster whose just trying to get ends meet. Perhaps the person doing karoke at the local pub is in truth trying to fulfill one of her life goals of conquering a fear of singing in public. The person waiting in line at the bank is an aspiring musician, struggling to make ends meet.
People are amazing beings that inspire and give hope; we just rarely ever tear ourselves away from the false realities we set up to recognize the real ones. So I guess the challenge that I need to face and I hope others will to is to go out and meet people. To discover who they are, why they're like that, what they dream of, how crazy wonderful they are. Let's burst the bubble of individualism and reach out for something better-community!
Technology is pretty cool. It's given us a realm of connection to our friends almost 24/7 through facebook, msn, and of course, blogs! hahaha. It has been prized as being an intermediary between cultures and the transfer of cultural ideas to other parts of the globe, broadening our perspectives on life and the issues facing not only us but other parts of the world.
But... I'm going to say that technology has done very little in terms of bringing people together. Television, for example, has only subsisted to broaden our worldview and make us very small in our surroundings. News makes us aware of all the bad happening in the world, rarely reporting on the good as to make us scared of everyone we meet and see. It builds up a world in which we are distant from everyone around us. They become these scary "unknowns"-they COULD be terrorists! they COULD be child molesters! they COULD be murderers! AHHHH!!
Likely... not.
If we turned off that silly television of ours and decided to go out and meet people, we might realize that those "scary people" are few and far between. We might learn that people's "stories" (as I like to call them) are quite amazing. What we see as one individual is actually the product of sooooo much history. That person walking by us on the sidewalk has hopes and dreams, maybe he or she has already fulfilled some of them-wouldn't it be interesting to find out which ones? Maybe that women you see waitressing for you is trying to save up money so that she can intern with a development agency over in Africa. Maybe the men whose cleaning up the halls of your residence or office building is in truth a former paster whose just trying to get ends meet. Perhaps the person doing karoke at the local pub is in truth trying to fulfill one of her life goals of conquering a fear of singing in public. The person waiting in line at the bank is an aspiring musician, struggling to make ends meet.
People are amazing beings that inspire and give hope; we just rarely ever tear ourselves away from the false realities we set up to recognize the real ones. So I guess the challenge that I need to face and I hope others will to is to go out and meet people. To discover who they are, why they're like that, what they dream of, how crazy wonderful they are. Let's burst the bubble of individualism and reach out for something better-community!
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