Need only accept myself

I am learning
That it is more
Valuable
To accept yourself
Fully
As you are
And be content with
Whatever situation
That comes your way
Standing firm and tall
Through the beaches
And the hurricanes
Than to base
Your own
Acceptance
In the arms of another
Who
With one cut
Word
Or silent pause
Could pull up
Your roots
And drag down the tree

I've found new soil.
Where roots grow deep
And support
Comes not only
To me
But to the ones I love

i am no longer
a graft
on your vine

Finding our way to Fairyland

“There is such a place as fairyland - but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland.”

― L.M. Montgomery, The Story Girl

Golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath

“Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music, perhaps . . . perhaps . . . love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.”

― L.M. Montgomery

Prayer for Humility

A Prayer for Deliverance from False Desires and Fears:

...Dear Jesus, grant me the grace
to desire that others might be more loved than I,
that others might be more esteemed than I,
that in the opinion of the world,  others may increase and I decrease,
that others may be chosen  and I may be set aside,
that others may be preferred to me in everything,
that others may become holier than I, provided that I, too, become as holy as I can.

- Common Prayer, Shane Claiborne, Jonathon Wilson-Hartgrove

God's in front of me everyday.

"C.S. Lewis once surmised that each person is created to see a different facet of God's beauty - something no one else can see in quite the same way - and then to bless all worshipers through all eternity with an aspect of God they could not otherwise see." - John Ortberg

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton


I see God in front of me everyday. I see His face, His character, His joy, His tears, His vulnerability, His encouragement, His power, His love, in the pieces of Himself that he has planted in the people who enter my life. Whether they know it or not, the image of God is implanted in each and every person on Earth. And what a beautiful treat when He makes Himself known through each of them, in their stories, in their perspectives, in the ways that they worship, the care they pour out, the wisdom they share, the delight they bring.

Not all seeds have the soil, the sunshine and the water to grow. But it does not mean that the seed is not present, or that the face of God is not evident in them. I can still see beauty in the souls of people who don't know Christ - but I see a soul who has yet to realize its full worth and potential and meaning in the eyes of a Creator, a King, a Redeemer, and a Father who loves them so deeply and wants them to plant their roots in Him, to graft themselves into the vine - who is Christ. Indeed, God is waiting anxiously for the seed to bloom, and what a beautiful thing it is when they do!

I have felt so blessed lately to find God so present in my life, through friends, through family, through the churches in my city that are living out the gospel. I see God in all of them, and am humbled and a bit in awe of how He is so present in my life.

I find it easy to get overwhelmed - to think that decisions and leadership and big life events are all only in my hands. It's easy to get conceited, to not listen to others and forget that you are not the only one with important things to say. My goal has become to let others become more, so that I can become less. And it is incredibly difficult - like a wanna-be-gardener without a green thumb - but keeping that in mind does certainly put a different lens in my glasses,

When we forget to listen, when we lose sight and recognition of God's face in others, we are actually not respecting & turning away God. He's chosen people to show Himself through. They are His body, and it is healthiest when all its parts are respected, supported, encouraged, loved, and fully brought into community in equality with one another.

And so we can never say that God is not visible. He's in the face of everyone around you, and what a beautiful - albeit broken - reflection they are.

You may have to look just a bit more carefully and be a bit more patient before it all becomes clear. But you can count on the fact that He's there, waiting for the seed to blossom.

Room at the Inn

"In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. ² This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria. ³ And all went to be registered, each to his own town. ⁴ And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, ⁵ to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. ⁶ And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. ⁷ And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn." - Luke 2:1-7

Sometimes, I think about what it would be like to have been the hypothetical innkeeper. I say hypothetical because I am assuming there were likely many places Mary and Joseph could have stayed, whether it be with family or at "the inn" or in a guest room.

Instead, Mary and Joseph wind up in who knows where really - a cave? a barn? - to give birth to her son.

Honestly, if a woman comes to your door who is nine months pregnant and thinks she might go into labour at any second, it seems a bit odd to be like, "Well... there's this cave over here with some animals where you can stay. And there's even this crunchy bed of hay to put your newborn in!"

Perhaps part of the reason they were turned away was because they were outcasts. Mary would be labelled similarly to how young mothers/"teenage pregnancies" are labelled today - they are irresponsible, dirty, bad influences, probably getting into more trouble.And so they are turned away - the innkeeper and the guests were not willing to give up their rooms for this couple. A baby out of wedlock?! - those heathens.

Perhaps another simpler reason is simply that they were too busy, too full. They were packed and another couple, especially one about to pop out another occupant, were just too much. It's not as if Mary glowed with angelic halos or Joseph was shining with holiness. They were a simple, plain couple, who were defined most simply by their love, devotion and faith in God.

But back to this innkeeper - think about this. Our hypothetical innkeeper had the opportunity to welcome the kind of the world, their Creator, into their home. But they turned them away and housed them in a manger.

It makes me pause, and wonder how many times I've turned away Jesus myself. Whether it be through being too busy, with a schedule too full, or by pre-judging someone on those societal or moral standards before truly getting to know them.

I think we can all learn a lesson from the innkeeper. Jesus comes in strange disguises. Most often in the ones that most offend us.

Listen for the knock at your door, and look anxiously for the opportunity to host Him.

Judgement and Insecurity

I face a constant battle with myself for perfection. 

There is a part of me that wants so badly to model herself after Jesus completely, to have his heart, to have this immense capacity to forgive, to love, to be gentle with the people who are harsh and unloving towards me. I want this so badly, and yet, I face myself - everyday - in the mirror and see the ways I fail in these departments over and over and over and over again. Especially in the judgement section.

And I have begun to recognize that my harshest judgements and criticisms of others largely come from the fears and insecurities I have within myself.

Appearance is a great example.

How often do we see someone with a different body type than us and immediately find a reason to cast judgement on them? 

Are they thinner than us? They must be snobs that spend all their time and money on organic food and exercising at the gym.

Are they fatter than us? They must be lazy and eating too much candy.

This is our judgement. But in reality, when we search deep within ourselves, we find that it is rather us with the problem - we are terrified and fearful of being judged by the people around us because of our appearance. Which is why there is this constant quest for consumerism and fashion, for fitting in, or losing weight, or being perfectly toned. 

We are insecure in our bodies, and unable to accept others for being exactly who they are. Which is all they need. All we need. 

And so, when I get angry, I need to ask myself why I am angry. Is it actually their comment or their attitude, or is it something in myself that causes me to react in the way I am? 

I remain responsible for however I respond, but being aware of what's causing me to want to respond in a certain way can help me address that insecurity and fill it in another way. If we want to love others better, we need to feel secure in ourselves. 

And perhaps that comes first from being fully aware of our acceptance in Christ.

But that's another conversation.